The Happy Dance: A Tutorial

The first step in a really excellent Happy Dance is having something to be excited about.

For example:

This is my brother.

This is his wife.

They are having a baby! And I am going to Alaska to help them when the baby is born, mostly to help take care of their daughter, the most adorable girl in the world.

I'll be flying to Alaska to stay with them for 10 days. Almost everyone in my family has been to Alaska except for me (and my sister) and I'm excited just to go. Another perk is that my they are paying for my ticket with their sky miles. Hooray! Trip to Alaska! Free trip to Alaska! Hanging out with my brother, sister-in-law and niece! Being the first in my family to meet my new nephew!

See? Something to be happy about!

There is something else that makes the difference between a mediocre Happy Dance and a great Happy Dance - a chant. The chant should be short and rhythmic.

For example:

"I'm goin' to Ala-ska! I'm goin' to Ala-ska!"

Once you have something to be excited about, and a chant to go with it, it's time to learn the moves. Have a look at the following diagram.

Keep practicing! Before you know it, you'll have a Happy Dance that will be the envy of the neighborhood.

****
P.S. - What do they call lesbians in Alaska? -- Klon-dykes

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Man, that cracks me up.

Get it? Klondike? Dykes? Ha-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha!

American Idol: Top 10

Surprise of the Night
Michael Johns

After weeks of skating by on his good looks and Australian accent, this guy ROCKED IT last night! He finally found his groove with "We Are the Champions."

I'm Torn
David Archuleta

This kid is crazy talented, but sometimes I just don't know. He sang some unknown song, and while it was good, it was a little cheesy. Simon said it reminded him of something you'd see at an amusement park with animated characters. It reminded me of We Are The World.

Can't you just see him holding hands with Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder?

No Surprises Here
David Cook

Can this guy do no wrong? Once again, he took a huge risk with his arrangement of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean." It could have been awful or fabulous. It was fabulous. I love that he can take those huge risks and make them work. He might just be the winner!


Who's Leaving?
My guess is that it will be Ramiele (Heaven, I hope so! She's been sucking it up for weeks!). I'm not sure about the bottom three, though. I'm thinking Ramiele, Chekezie and sadly, Jason.

True Love = Clipping Each Other's Toenails

Both my parents have a hard time getting around.

My dad has had both of his hips replaced, and he had this weird problem with is ankles that makes it hard for him to walk. He has to wear braces that come half-way up his leg just to walk around during the day.

My mom has been limping badly for the last few months. After several doctors appointments, she was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, and condition in which the spinal cord narrows and pinches the spinal cord.

Both of them have a hard time reaching their toes. Their bodies just don't move like that anymore.

Yesterday morning, I was up early (earlier than I needed to be, not early) making brownies for Easter. From my parent's room, I heard my dad say, "What did you need done, ma'am?" Mom's voice doesn't carry as well, so I heard some mumbling from her.

The next thing I heard was click! snap! clip! I realized that my dad was clipping my mom's toenails for her, since she couldn't reach them herself.

That's true love, people.

Red Tape Woes

My brother Steve has been having some bureaucracy issues. He lost his driver's license a while back, and he's been hacking through red tape to get it back. Here's an example of a conversation he had with a representative of the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Steve: Do you have everything you need?
DMV Lady: We got your money.
Steve: Did you get everything else?
DMV Lady: Well, you need to renew the contract on your interlock device.
Steve: I signed a contract for 13 months.
DMV Lady: You have to sign it for three years.
Steve: When did they decide that? I have my initial revocation letter right here, and it says a minimum of 12 months.
DMV Lady: Well, in your case it’s three years.
Steve: Was there a hearing? When?
DMV Lady: No, there wasn’t a hearing.
Steve: So how did they decide on three years?
DMV Lady: I don’t know. Would you like me to transfer you to the Hearing Department?
Steve: But you just said there wasn’t a hearing!
DMV Lady: I’ll transfer you to the Hearing Department. They can help you.
Steve: {Sigh}

Hold music

Recorded Message: All our representatives are busy at this time. Your call will be answered in the order it was received.

Hold music.

Hold music

More . . . hold . . . music.

Steve: Aaaaauuuuugggghhhh!!! $@^&!@*! {Hangs up, recalls original number and gets same DMV Lady.}

Steve: Okay, fine, how long do I need to have a contract for the interlock device?
DMV Lady: Two years and 30 days from today.
Steve: Excuse me?
DMV Lady: Two years and 30 days from this today.
Steve: But you just told me three years 30 minutes ago!
DMV Lady: Would you like me to transfer you to the Hearing Department?

To See the Humor, Open Your Eyes

We had another huge flier go out last week. Don't even ask me about that. It was a nightmare, combined with annoying coworkers (okay, coworker) and a heck of a lot of money. Oooh, I'm mad just thinking about it. The point is, it took up almost all of my time last week. I was folding those stupid fliers at home.

These fliers are our main system of advertisement, and we send them to our customers as a bulk mailing through the Post Office. The other day, this came. I can't imagine what they would possibly find wrong with this:

Is it me, or is that just the slightest bit snarky? Look at that finger pointing to nothing. You can practically see "Stupid!" written underneath. Some smart-ass at the USPS thought they were being funny. Lucky for them, I find both smart-assness and irony highly amusing. In fact, I would be interested to know if the person who stamped it saw the irony, or if they just did it because of procedure. If it's the former, I'd like to be their friend. If it's the later, they're seriously missing out.

On an entirely different note, something happened the other day that reaffirmed my decision to move back to Colorado. I knew I made the right decision, and I was so glad to be back home, but I've been restless lately. I was coming down the hill on the way to work and I saw this:

It's not the greatest picture, seeing as how it was still mostly dark and all, but you get the drift. It was the most spectacular sunrise I've ever seen. The sun coming up over the Rockies - that's why I live in Colorado.

It also got me thinking. How often to we miss beauty because we are too wrapped up in ourselves. I came so close to missing this amazing sunrise, because I was busy thinking about my life, my day, my dog, my family . . . me, me, me. Sure, it's just a sunrise, this time. But how many times to we miss the beauty of a child, or one person doing good for another? Do we really notice it? It reminds me of the John Mayer song, "3x5".

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'.
And strange, how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
Are next to mountains anyway.
Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I could see the world through both my eyes.
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood to lose my way.
But let me say,
You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes.
It brought me back to life.
You'll be with me next time I go outside,
Just no more 3x5's.

Okay, it doesn't apply quite as well as I thought it did, but I still think there's an important message there. Maybe if we open our eyes more, we'll witness more of the beauty around us.

American Idol: Top 11

Last night was the worst episode of American Idol this season. The Beatles two weeks in a row? What were they thinking?

None of the performances were spectacular. I think the contestants used up all their spectacular last week, with the exception of David Archuleta, who used no spectacular last week, unless you define spectacular as forgetting the lyrics. He did much better this week, with McCartney's "Long Winding Road," but still no fireworks.

I thought the best performances of the night were by Chikezie (who, I'm convinces, uses only his first name because his last name is utterly unpronounceable) and Syesha.


Chikezie sang "I've Just Seen a Face." He started out slow and ballady, but kicked it up and turned it into a bluegrass number. He also played a harmonica, which was a ridiculous attempt to be like everyone else in the instrument department. The slow part didn't do much for the performance, but once he got into it, I thought it was a lot of fun.


Syesha was the best performance of the night with an amazing performance of "Yesterday." It was heartfelt and beautifully sung. Plus, her dress was great. Simon said it was the song Brooke should have sung, which I felt was rude of him, especially when Syesha did such a great job.

Honorable mentions also go to Carly Smithson with "Blackbird" and Brooke White with "Here Comes the Sun." Both of them got flayed by the judges, but I thought they were both great. Carly actually only got flayed by Simon, who thought the message of the song was bad, but it was good to hear her sing a song ballad instead of belting it with her big fat voice. Brooke's performance was, admittedly, not her best. She kind of flailed around in her dancing, but it was clear she was having fun, and that was infectious. She took the criticism of the judges with incredible grace, even going so far as to agree with Randy when he said she was a little awkward. "Yeah," she said, "I am a little awkward when I move."

I'm torn between Kristy Lee and Ramiele for who should go home. Neither of them are that great, but at least Kristy Lee has been bringing her best to the table. Ramiele's just not doing it for me. And I'm still made David Hernandez was kicked off. Stupid America.

**Photos are, as always, from last week.

Influ-freaking-enza

I spent practically all of Thursday night like this. Only I didn't look this good. Trust me.

The rest of the weekend was spent mostly like this. And I felt like a little kid, too.

Stupid freaking flu. I realize now how all those people died from it in 1918. They literally puked their guts out.

And because I'm a dork, I feel the need to point out that the Flu Epidemic of 1918 was acutally the Spanish Influenza, an extreme strain that's no longer around. I'm kind of embarrased that I know that.

Anyway, I'm better and my co-worker is back from her vacation, so work won't be so crazy. I'm back, and I'm stress and puke free!

You know you're excited.

Busy, Busy, Busy

This is how I feel this week. Between fliers going out, invoices coming in and Primary, I've been working like crazy. If you're looking for your American Idol recap, sorry - I recorded it, but I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. Check back tomorrow!

Lights, Camera, Action: The Answers

1. "I'd like to make an offer on the house. This is what I can pay, minus the work on the place, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake."
Answer: Under the Tuscan Sun

2. “...Perky breasts!”
“Roberta, you know I don't like it when you swear."
“Chrissy, breast is not a dirty word.”
“I can't hear you.”
“Breast.”
“Can't hear you.”
“Breast.”
“Can't hear you.”
“BREAST!”
Answer: Now and Then
Solved by Laurel

3. “Yeah, this is where it fell. Or, if you want to get really specific, up there is where this weird bloody necklace came and knocked it out of the heavens while it was minding it's own business. And over there is where it landed. And right here... this is where it got hit by a magical flying moron.”
Answer: Stardust
Solved by Jessie

4. “I found you in hell. Don't you think I could find you in Jersey?”
Answer: What Dreams May Come

5. “She's like the air to me.”
Answer: A Walk in the Clouds

6. “I'm no friggin' monument to justice! I lost my hand! I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride! You want me to take my heartache, put it away and forget?”
Answer: Moonstruck
Solved by Laurel and Jessie

7. “Men develop appetites when they are twelve, muscles when they are sixteen, and principles only after they are married.”
Answer: If a Man Answers

8. “And now, my beauties, something with poison in it, I think. Something with poison in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the smell. Poppies... Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleep. Now they'll sleep!”
Answer: The Wizard of Oz
Solved by Jessie

9. “I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's MOST unusual.”
Answer: Roman Holiday

10. "What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."
Answer: It's a Wonderful Life
Solved by Laurel and Jessie

11. "Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."
Answer: The Manchurian Candidate
Solved by Sara

12. "1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott!"
"What the hell is a gigawatt?"
Answer: Back to the Future
Solved by Jessie

13. "It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights."
Answer: The Italian Job

14. "Are you nuts? She clearly prefers gas pump jockeys to millionaires. What do you want to do? Disillusion the poor girl?"
Answer: How to Marry a Millionaire

15. "Joel, hide me in your humiliation!"
Answer: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Solved by Jessie

Good Night and Good Luck: American Idol Losers

And by "losers," I mean lost the competition, not as a reflection of personal worth.

Finally! This guy just drove me nuts. I was worried that the 13-year-old-girl vote would keep him in there, but the 13-ers made the right choice.

Ah, Luke. I was so torn about you. You're so cute, with your strong-jawed, dimpled scruffiness, but you just weren't that good. Not that you were bad, you just weren't as good as you could have been. I wanted to like you. I really did.

Again, finally! She's a very cute girl and all, but she just wasn't up to snuff. She's young, she'll get better.

NNNNNOOOooooooo! She was my very favorite girl. I'm devastated. Okay, I'm not devastated, being as it's a TV show and all, but I am disapointed. I didn't think she would win, but I would have loved watching her for a few more weeks.

A.I. Girls and Condors in Hats

First off, the recap top 8 girl performances from American Idol:

Best Use of Advice
Kristy Lee Cook

Kristy Lee hasn't really been phenomenal this season. She's acutally pretty forgetable. Last week after she sang . . . some song (see? Forgetable), Simon advised her to try for more of a country feel, to really find herself. This week, she applied his advice! I love it when contestants take the advice of the judges - they're professionals and they know what they're talking about. Except for Paula.

Best Run
Carly Smithson

I definitly think Carly is the best girl in the competition. That doesn't mean she's my favorite (that would be Asia'h), but there's not doubt she's incredibly talented. In her performance last night, she sang and run so long and complicated, I felt out of breath for her! Plus, she hit every single note dead on. I would kill for her talent.

Best Performance
Syesha Mercado

I felt like Syesha got gyped last night. She was very last, and the judges had spent so much time yammering (what, were they all on sugar highs? They were like little kids!) that by the time she finished, they all only had two words for her (literally) and then the show ended. It was a real shame, because she did an incredible job. It wasn't the most difficult song ever, but it was solid. She sang with feeling, she nailed every note without hesitation, and get a load of those legs!

And here's a suprise:

Most Fun
Amanda Overmyer!

What? I acutally liked Amanda? What's going on here? She was really good! First of all, her look is better - straight, simple hair and normal clothes with some great accent pieces. She was also one of the few girls to sing a fast-paced song. Her redition of "I Hate Myself For Loving You" was the perfect song for here. It was rock, but it was more on the blues side than the hard rock. Go Amanda!

So who do I think should go? It a tough choice this time, and the last night 4 people will leave.

For the boys: Danny Noriega and Luke Menard, Michael Johns or Chikezie. I have a hard time choosing between the last three. I want to like Luke and Michael; they both have tons of charisma, plus, they're adorable. They're just not that good. I didn't like Chikezie at first, but his last performance was great. I'm torn.

For the girls: Kady Malloy (she's just not that good!) and Ramiele Malubay (she was good at first, but her last few performances haven't been worth much).

And now, on to Condors In Hats.

My life has been kind of stressful lately, and when I get stressed out (or sad, or angry, or excited, or busy) I have weird dreams. It's usually not that big of a deal - I often have weird dreams. When I'm experienced any intense emotion, though, they get weirder and weirder.

Last night? After I was screwed out of the flute performance (I haven't played flute since high school) I worked so hard on, a bunch of condors in suits and fedoras walked in. That's right. Condors. In fedoras. Only they were ultra-creepy, Dark Crystal-esque condors. Think this



combined with this.



And everyone in my dream was like, "Hey! Condors in hats! Whatever." And I was thinking, "Hello! Giant flesh-eating birds!"

Where do I come up with this stuff?

Lights, Camera, Action

I borrowed this from Vingtage Thirty.

1. Pick fifteen of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. No Googling or using IMDB search functions. THIS MEANS YOU!
6. Leave your answer(s) in the comments.

1. "I'd like to make an offer on the house. This is what I can pay, minus the work on the place, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake."

2. “...Perky breasts!”
“Roberta, you know I don't like it when you swear."
“Chrissy, breast is not a dirty word.”
“I can't hear you.”
“Breast.”
“Can't hear you.”
“Breast.”
“Can't hear you.”
“BREAST!”

3. “Yeah, this is where it fell. Or, if you want to get really specific, up there is where this weird bloody necklace came and knocked it out of the heavens while it was minding it's own business. And over there is where it landed. And right here... this is where it got hit by a magical flying moron.”

4. “I found you in hell. Don't you think I could find you in Jersey?”

5. “She's like the air to me.”

6. “I'm no friggin' monument to justice! I lost my hand! I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride! You want me to take my heartache, put it away and forget?”

7. “Men develop appetites when they are twelve, muscles when they are sixteen, and principles only after they are married.”

8. “And now, my beauties, something with poison in it, I think. Something with poison in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the smell. Poppies... Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleep. Now they'll sleep!”

9. “I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off, it's MOST unusual.”

10. "What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."

11. "Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

12. "1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott!"
"What the hell is a gigawatt?"

13. "It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights."

14. "Are you nuts? She clearly prefers gas pump jockeys to millionaires. What do you want to do? Disillusion the poor girl?"

15. "Joel, hide me in your humiliation!"

American Idol: Top 8 Boys

Welcome back for another American Idol recap! Last night the top 8 boys preformed music from the 80's: and they rocked! I can't remember the last time I saw an episode with that many good performances. In fact, there weren't really any bad ones (well, maybe one) which made this kind of hard today. And now, without further ado -

Best Arrangement
David Cook with Lionel Richie's "Hello"

David took this kind of sad, very ballad-y song and roughed it up. Randy called it "emo" but I just thought it rocked. It came out as a kind of bluesy-rock power ballad. It was amazing, and I loved that he took a risk and nailed it! So did Simon. He said "That was a very brave thing to do . . . and I loved it."

Most Talented
David Archuleta

I know, I know, I raved about him last week, but the kid is amazing. This week he sang a slower version of "Another Day in Paradise" and he started out at the piano. It wasn't his best performance, but it was still incredible, which just goes to show how talented he really is. And man, does that kid know how to schmooze!

Worst Performance
Danny Noriega

Ugh. He sang one of my all-time favorite songs, "Tainted Love" but it was so girly I could hardly stand it. I know it's his style, but he takes the emo thing (it applies here, not to David Cook, Randy!) way too far. From the uber-tight leather pants to the bumping hips and pocket hook, it just ruined the song for me. But not forever.

Best Performance
David Hernandez

This picture is actually from last week (all of them are, since the Idol people are so lame and don't post pictures right away). I just thought you all might appreciate that cute tush. But back to important issues - David had the guts to sing Celine Dion last night. He sang "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" and all the reasons I love him came back to me. Not only is he gorgeous, but he's got tons of charisma, he knows how to work the cameras, and he's got an amazing voice. I mean, the guy actually pulled off Celine Dion! Not an easy feat! Plus, he looked into the camera with those chocolate brown eyes, and I swooned.

You may or may not have heard the latest dirt on David H. For the last 3 years, he has worked as a male stripper in Phoenix. In a mostly male club. I'm not a fan of the whole stripping thing, but who am I to judge? In my opinion, his discription of the "pea-sized booger" on his nose during a photo shoot (he mentioned it when talking about his most embarrasing moment) managed to cancel out the stripper thing in my mind.

Coming up tonight, the top 8 girls! They're going to have a hard time keeping up with the boys, but we'll see how they do.

And okay, okay, I know I talked about all the Davids last week, but can I help it if they're the best ones?

For the Love of Farnsworth*

There seems to be an anti-TV epedemic going around. Laurel, over at The Tea Party Place, has been spouting some craziness about giving up TV for a year. Everyone is being all supportive, but I know Laurel comes over here regularly, so Laurel? I think you're nuts. I mean, go ahead and do it if you want, but I don't know what you did to make you do something so mean to yourself. The madness continues at Vintage Thirty. Tootsie Farklepants discusses the shortcomings of TV here.

And now it's time for my shocking confession for the day. I LOVE TV. Love. It. Acutally, I love stories in all forms; books, television, movies. I know it's a form of escapism, but frankly, my dear, I just don't give a damn. (Oh, how dorky was that?). And so, for those of you who share my love for the good ol' Boob Tube, or for those who have forgotten or forsaken the joys of television: a run-down of my favorite shows. Because you know you care.

Bones
Love it, love it, love it. In fact, I love it so much I've already blogged about it here. Forgive the rambling - I think I was sick when I wrote that. The point is, it's a fabulous show with a different take on the whole crime-fighting premise, and a flawed but lovable main character. And there's a new episode coming April 14th! (Stupid writer's strike and American Idol.)

Grey's Anatomy
I don't care how cliche it is, I love this show. I get so into the lives of the characters that my friend Felicia and I talk about them like they're real people. I have to say, I was wary after the end of season 3 (what with the whole infidelity arc), but I've been pleasantly suprised by season 4. I should have know better than to doubt Shonda Rhimes, the fabulous creator of Grey's. I also love her new Private Practice, which will be back in the fall. There's a new episode of Grey's scheduled to run April 24.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
This show makes me cry every time, without exception. It touches me to watch communities come together to help people in need, especially when those people are usually so inspiring themselves. It gives me warm fuzzies to watch people helping others with no expectation for a reward (other than ratings, I guess). It revives my hope in mankind, the hope that stupid shows like Nip/Tuck wear down.

Eli Stone: Best New Show
This show just aired about a month ago, but I love it. Some people are comparing it to Ally McBeal, and there are definite similarities, but Eli Stone is more uplifting. It's about a tough lawyer who starts having hallucinations. He worries he's going crazy, but it turns out that he has a brain anurism, and the visions have relevance to his life. He sees a Berkley educated accupuncturist who assumes a Chinese accent for his clients, and who convinces Eli that he might be a prophet. It's a show with great characters and fun plots, about one guy trying to make a difference.

Dharma & Greg: Best Old Show
The only place you can find Dharma & Greg anymore is on WE, which is a shame, because it's a hysterical show. I love a story that can make me laugh out loud. I love the extremes between Dharma's hippie parents and Greg's snooty, socialite parents. If you're looking for great characters, this show is a winner. Good luck watching it though. It's even hard to get on DVD.

To all you TV haters: Ha! So there! Oh, and a gift for those who are concerned about the fate of their favorite shows after the lame-o writer's strike: TV Guide's Post-Strike Coverage

*Bonus Question: If anyone can tell me how the title of this post relates to the topic (hint: TV), I'll give you a prize.

From Me to Me

I had lunch with my BFF (what am I, 13?) Felicia yesterday. We started talking about something we talk about often - how much we hate being adults. This subject always seems to come up when we get together and start talking about our lives, basically meaning our jobs and our bills. This is pretty much how the conversation usually goes:

"I hate being an adult."
"Me too. Being an adult sucks."
"You know how when you're a teenager, you think you're going to have so much freedom as an adult?"
"Yeah."
"That is such bulls***"
"Yep, total crap."
"When you're an adult, you don't have any freedom! You have to work all the time so you can pay bills, and you're still broke!"
"Ugh, bills. I don't want to talk about it. It stresses me out."

That's the generic conversation. This last time, it took the twist of discussing what we would tell ourselves if we could go back in time and talk to ourselves. In the spirit of this conversation, here is what I would say to my 15-year-old self. The responses of "myself" are obviously hypothetical, as I have no way of knowing what "myself" would say.

ME: Hi. I'm you, and I need to talk to you.
MYSELF: Really? How old are you?
ME: Almost 24. Now -
MYSELF: Who did I marry? How many kids do I have.
ME: I don't know. And none, so far.
MYSELF: But -
ME: Will you just listen! I have some things to tell you.
MYSELF: What kind of things?
ME: Okay, you're ready to listen now? Because this stuff is important. Here we go.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You don't have to put up with people treating you badly.

You are NOT FAT. I know you got picked on for being fat. I know you think you're fat. But you are NOT! But if you keep thinking such bad things about yourself and eating for comfort, you will be.

Be nice to your mother. She loves you, and she'll save your life. Save your money. I cannot stress this enough! Save everything you can.

You'll meet a girl named Josalyn your freshman year of college. Stay away from her. You'll make other friends. Just trust me.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't worth much. No one has the right to make you feel less than you are.

Don't worry about boys. I know all your friends have boyfriends and I know you're lonely, but trust me. They are more trouble than they are worth.

Did I mention that you should save your money? Oh, and when Mom talks you into getting a credit card for emergencies, ONLY USE IT FOR EMERGENCIES.

Major in something like Business or English Lit, not Recreation Management. It won't be as fun, but will be more rewarding.

Oh, and save your money.