Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Good News and Good Friends (and the Fetal position)

I told you I would get to this post!

Here's my good news: I found a new job! It all happened rather suddenly, but I'm really excited about it. It's in the printing industry, and I think it will be something I really enjoy.

Here's the deal about good friends: I have so many of them! I'm so blessed. I got kinda screwed by a "friend" in college, and I've been a little more hesitant in making new friends because of it. Recently, though, my real friends have shown just how great they are. One friend, C, dropped everything and rushed over when the whole work fiasco went down. F has been friend helping my find a place to live (I'm actually moving into her house since she's moving to Alaska.) But the most generous gesture was made by an old friend, J. (Not you, JAE. This is a different J). J and I were the best of friends growing up. We went through a lot together. We went to different colleges, though, and we grew apart. It wasn't that we didn't care about each other, we just didn't make the effort to stay in touch. I didn't even get to go to her wedding (I was in New Zealand). Well, J and her husband and baby recently moved back to Western Colorado. When I told her I got a job and was moving to the same town, she selflessly offered to let me live with them. Rent free. Twice. I am still in awe and her generousity. It reminds me why good friends are good to have.

Things have really fallen into place, which is part of how I know this is the right move for me. I applied for a bunch of jobs and got the one I really wanted. I was able to find a perfect place in a great neighborhood for reasonable rent where I can have my dog. I have a place to stay the night before I move in, so I don't have to commute as much. I bought F's furniture for a steal, and since I'm moving into her house, we don't even have to move it!

I'm really excited for this new beginning. I never thought I would come back home, certainly never intended to stay for as long as I have; but I see know that I needed this time to re-center myself. I sort of forgot myself there for a while; who I am, what's important to me. I've been able to refocus on those things over the past year, and I feel ready to go back out into the world.

Honestly, though, I'm also freaked. Like, crawl under the covers in the fetal position and rock while calling for my mommy freaked. The last time I went out into the world, it was a total failure. Granted, I'm a lot closer to home this time, but I've never been good with change. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I know it's the right thing, that it's part of God's plan for me, but one thing I've learned is that just because it's what God wants you to do doesn't mean it's going to be fun.

So. To recap: New job, new place, half excited, half terrified.

Wish me luck! I'm going to go try to get my heart rate back to normal. "Everything will be fine, everything will be fine." Oh, don't mind me. Just giving myself a little pep talk. I'll be here if you need me. I'm the one rocking back and forth, muttering to herself.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Good News and Good Friends . . . Whoops, just kidding.

I've been planning this blog post in my head most of the day, but for some reason, I just don't have the oomph to write it. Which is weird, because it's gonna be a good one. Stay tuned.

So, in lieu (I love that word) of good news . . .

Things I Did Today to Avoid Work:

Don't get me wrong, I worked too. Just not as hard as I could have. But hey, I'm not going to be here much longer anyway (Oooh, mysterious! Guess you'll just have to come back for the big reveal!).

And to my dad, who (whom?) I know lurks on this blog (that means reading without commenting, Daddy), just remember, I was working really hard before it all went to hell.

Gotta go, people. Things to do, solitaire to play.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

102 Things You Never Needed to Know About Me

When I first started blogging regularly, I saw several "100 Things" posts. I like them because I think they give a great insight to the author. A while ago I decided that I would do "100 Things About Me" for my 100th post. When the time came, though, I wanted to blog about my birthday instead. So now, for my 102nd post,

102 Things About Me!

1. I'm the youngest of seven children by seven years. My oldest sibling is 20 years older than me.

2. I graduated from BYU with a degree in Recreation Management and Youth Leadership. It's pretty much useless.

3. I had the funnest major on campus.

4. I have several pet peeves when it comes to driving: People who don't use their blinkers, people who leave their blinkers on, and people who stop when there's no stop sign.

5. Top five musical artists: Mae, Norah Jones, KT Tunstall, Sherwood, Death Cab for Cutie.

6. I also like Hilary Duff. It's my hidden shame.

7. My very favorite movie is Under the Tuscan Sun.

8. Someday when we're rich, my best friend and I are going to take year long trip around the world. We'll hit Australia, New Zealand, Bali, Thailand, Italy, Belgium, Prague, London, Ireland and the Caribbean. I think that's everywhere.

9. I have a dog named Sadie. I think she's a boxer-border collie mix, but I'm not sure. I got her a Wal-mart.

10. I currently live with my parents. Don't judge me. I save a lot of money.

11. I work for an animal health store. I know nothing about animal health. I do, however, know about business, and I'm learning the other stuff.

12. My dad owns the business.

13. I would love to write a book someday.

14. I would also love to work in publishing (I'd like to be an editor), but I don't want to live in the city.

15. I studied abroad for a semester in New Zealand. It was the most amazing experience of my life.

16. My biggest regret is not spending more time with my grandmother before she passed away from breast cancer. I was only eight, and it scared me to see her so sick. Still, I've regretted it since the day she died.

17. If I believed in hell (which I don't, really), I'm positive that it would be Junior High. For eternity.

18. I believe that we make our own hell.

19. I believe in ghosts.

20. I think I believe in psychics. Not necessarily the tarot-reading, crystal ball kind, but I believe that some people see and sense things the rest of us don't.

21. My mom has told me stories about my great-grandmother, who used to meet with a group of people and try to move buttons with their minds.

21. I really miss college.

22. I'm a country girl, all the way. Well, as in, I like the country and I don't like the city. Not as in, I know how to artificially inseminate a cow.

23. I'm in love with David Cook from American Idol.

24. I've been para-sailing.

25. I can touch my toes to the top of my foot. I was 12 before I found out not everyone could do it.

26. My wisdom teeth came in when I was 15.

27. I still have my wisdom teeth.

28. I have four nieces and three nephews, and I'm totally crazy about them.

29. I can read a book in a day. It's not uncommon for me to read two in a weekend.

30. Some of my favorite authors: Jennifer Crusie, Madeline L'Engle and Jayne Ann Krentz.

31. I love books, but I'm not wild about "literature." I can appreciate it, but it's not my first choice. I'm all about cheesy commercial fiction.

32. In September, I'm going to the National Book Festival in Washington D.C., and I. Am. So. Excited.

33. I love love love road trips. I think it came from my parents and I always driving whenever we went on a trip. I learned so much on those trips.

34. I have an excellent sense of direction, and once I've been to a place, I can almost always get back.

35. I love the idea that there are myths that are true. Have you seen National Treasure? I wish that was real.

36. I was 22 the first time I was stung by a bee.

37. I've been to Disneyland 4 times. My favorite ride is Space Mountain.

38. The snake on the Indiana Jones ride? Scares the bejesus out of me.

39. I'm really afraid of snakes. I've tried to be tough about it, but I just. don't. like. them.

40. There is a drive-in in my hometown, and I love it. I go as often as possible.

41. I lived in Arizona for a year, and I almost roasted alive.

42. The backyard of the house I grew up it was, and still is, my favorite place in the world.

43. Growing up, my dad used to take me camping and fishing for my birthday every year.

44. I also went to a church camp every summer, and I was always annoyed by the girls who were all, "Eww, I'm dirty!" Duh. That's what happens when you sleep outside.

45. Words like "gonads" and "sperm" still make me giggle.

46. I got picked on a lot in junior high.

47. My favorite teacher of all time was Mr. Hypio. He taught 8th grade English and Science, and I totally adored him.

48. I never moved a single time before I was 18.

49. I've moved 11 times in the last 6 years.

50. I hate moving.

51. I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks.

52. Which means I'm going to be moving again.

Whew. Halfway there. This is harder than it looks!

53. I am terrible at standing up for myself. I'm great in my head, but in real life, not so much.

54. Sometimes watching chick flicks makes me sad.

55. I love Grey's Anatomy. My BFF and I talk about the characters like they're real people.

56. I also really like Private Practice, Eli Stone, Bones, NCIS, Ugly Betty, According to Jim . . .

57. I like TV. Can you tell?

58. It annoys me when people talk about people who like TV like they're lazy. I don't like TV because I'm lazy. I like it because I like stories.

59. I'm kinda lazy.

60. As the youngest child, I'm kinda spoiled. I'll admit it, but if anyone in my family says so, it makes me cry.

61. I've always wanted red hair.

62. I'm a sucker for boys with dark hair and blue eyes.

63. I'm not all that good with kids. I never had any little sibs, and I didn't do much baby-sitting. I want to be one of those people that just loves kids, but I don't really get them. They're just so small. And loud. And little.

64. I'm a big fan of musical theatre.

65. I was in a production of Evita my senior year of high school. I was a "Woman of Argentina."

66. I saw The Phantom of the Opera in London. Because I'll all cool and sophisticated like that.

67. The women in my family are the most amazing people I know. You might think I'm biased, but really. They're incredible.

68. I like trashy romance novels (well, tastefully trashy).

69. I'm kind of anal about proper word usage. I have to work really hard not constantly correct people's pronunciation or tell them they're using a word wrong.

70. I love Scrabble.

71. Scrabble is one of the only games I can beat my mother at.

72. My mom kicks my trash at checkers. Every time.

73. I like office supply stores better than clothing stores. But not better than shoe stores.

74. When I'm upset, I can go to a bookstore and just the smell calms me down.

75. I'm a totally different person now that I thought I would be five years ago.

76. I had a roommate in college who stabbed me in the back in the worst way, and I've never quite gotten over it.

77. I loved my time at BYU, but sometimes I wish I had gone somewhere else, just so that I didn't have to say I went to BYU. People who didn't go to BYU sometimes judge people who did.

78. I'm addicted to Daveto's, a restaurant in my town. I wonder if there's some kind of support group for that?

79. I love giving presents. I get a huge kick out of finding just the right gift.

80. I cannot draw to save my life. Even my stick figures are bad.

81. I quit piano lessons after about a year. I so wish that I had stuck with it.

82. Because students at BYU are required to live in approved apartments, all of which are furnished, I'm 24 and I don't own a single stick of furniture.

83. I'm pretty sure I've lived in a haunted house.

84. My favorite color is yellow, although I kind of just stick with that so I have something to say. I really like all colors.

85. I can't watch scary movies, because I'm a big wuss. I watched most of The Sixth Sense with my eyes closed, and it's not even very scary.

86. I watched part of IT when I was five or six. I didn't make it through. You know what got me? Fortune cookies turning into killer crabs.

87. I really want to learn how to quilt.

88. I crocheted a blanket for my brother one Christmas, and it got a little out of hand. I started it mid-October, and finally finished it at 3:00am Christmas morning.

89. I was in Sunshine Generation.

90. I snore. Loudly.

91. I love the water.

92. The first boy I made a fool of myself for was named Andrew. I was 14.

93. The last boy I made a fool of myself for was named Rob. I was 21. See item #77.

94. I really, really, really hope I'm over my "making a fool out of myself for a boy" phase.

95. Fish give me the creeps.

96. When I was a little girl, I would start snowball fights with my mom, and then she would pelt me with snowballs until I fell over laughing.

97. Someday I want to get a breast reduction.

98. The only spaghetti sauce I like is the one my mom makes. Otherwise I eat spaghetti plain.

99. I don't like milk on most cereals.

100. I'm addicted to Otter Pops.

101. With the exception of mascara (because mascara is the same everywhere) I wear exclusively MAC makeup on my eyes.

102. I have almost perfectly straight teeth, and I never had braces.

Whew! I did it! It was a lot harder to write than I expected. Hopefully it wasn't as hard for you to read. If you read all 102, congratulations! You now no more random things about me than you ever needed to. Don't you feel lucky?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hello, Internets. Did you miss me?


I finally have the internet at home again! You probably just thought I was neglecting you. Silly.

Moving created some problems for me, internet wise. First, my wireless card shriveled up and died. No problem, I thought. This new house has hookups all over! Mmm-hmm. Have you heard about how this new house is a disaster? Well, that's a story for another time, but for example; the cat 5 hookups that were supposed to be installed in the floors? NOT CAT 5. Regular telephone hookups.

Once I got a new wireless card, I discovered that I couldn't log onto the network because there is one of those fancy passkeys. I'm sure it's written down somewhere, but I dare you to find it in my Dad's office. If you go, you might want to take a sandwich and a compass, because it might be a while before you get out again.

Finally, in my infinite genius, I managed to hook MY wireless router into the original one, and BADDA-BING-BADDA-BOOM, I'm back in business!

I'm so excited. No more trying to get my hits of blogginess in between tasks at work. No staying late to write. I'm reading blogs from my bed. Yay!

Okay, here are a couple of things you should know:

I had a great interview for a new job this weekend. It went really well, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they offer it to me. It's perfect - full time but no overtime, no weekends, 8 - 5, decent pay, benefits after 6 months. Plus, it's in an industry that has always interested me, the people seemed great, and there are dogs in the office. Could it get any better? Keep your fingers crossed with me, okay? I need all the good vibes I can get.

Also, this is my 101st post. For my 100th post I was going to do something special, but I wanted to write about David Cook! And my return to the Internet! So I'll be doing something special for my 102nd post. I think. Maybe 103. But either way, keep yourself posted, because fun is coming your way!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!

I just returned the from best birthday adventure EVER!

Oh, you'd like to hear all about it? Well, sure, I'd love to share it with you.

Saturday morning, I took off for Utah, where I was going to spend my birthday with my great friend Jessie and her husband Jason. Aren't they cute? Don't they just look like so much fun?

I have to tell you, I had the best birthday. First, Jessie and I went to this great (and cheap) little place for pedicures. They did the whole deal - soaking, conditioning, trimming the cuticles, even a paraffin dip. The pedicurist even managed to scrape the calluses off my poor heels, which were starting to look like hooves.

I chose a pretty reddish-pink color for my toes.

Don't they look nice? I even sprung the extra couple of bucks for a flower.

In this close-up of my big toe, you can see said flower, as well as the dry skin that is screaming out for foot cream. Sorry.

After the pedicures, we went to my very favorite Utah restaurant, Cafe Rio. This was particularly nice of Jessie, since she doesn't actually like Cafe Rio. True friends go to restaurants they hate for their BFF's.

After lunch, we spent the afternoon kicking it at Jessie's parents pool. I swam without self-consciousness, laid in the sun, laughed at the SPF 8 sunscreen (SPF 8! Ha!) and got a little sunburned. It was bliss.

The next day we went back to the pool in the morning, where I applied sunscreen but still came out a little crispier than I would like. Ah well, pink is better that pasty white, right?

That evening was the main event, the American Idols Live Concert! Yes, I'm that much of a dork, and I'm not even ashamed of it. This concert rocked!

It was held at the E Center in Salt Lake, and it was packed!

Jessie and I were discussing the amount of people, and her dad said, "Pshaw! This would never hold a Rolling Stones concert!"

The concert was amazing! It started from 10 and worked up through the top ten Idols. When Chikezie came onstage, my first thought was, "Wow, he's a real person!" We had amazing seats too.

Here's Syesha - she was great, if a little scantily clad. But heck, if my boobs and legs looked that great, I'd probably show them off too.

And look! It's Micheal Johns in real life! He was probably my second favorite of all the performers. He had the crowd all worked up, too.

Oh, but wait for it! Here he is! The love of my life! The main reason I went to the concert - David Cook! Ohmigosh! I was like thisclose to him!! Of course he stuck his arm out right as I snapped the picture, but that's okay because his face is safe and secure in my mind. Do I sound like a stalker? Because I'm not, I swear. Perfectly normal celebrity crush. Really.

And here's a random picture of an arm. I don't know when this was taken. Probably as I tried frantically to get another picture of David after having lost all train of thought when he was so close.

After the killer concert, we drove home and I slept peacefully despite the ringing in my ears, and dreamt of singing, red carpets and David Cook.
The next day I drove home. It's about a five hour drive, but who cares when you get to look at scenery like this?

Seriously, I love my home. It's the best.
You may have noticed that there are no pictures of me on my birthday. Well, I took some, but not a single one turned out well. So here I am today - do I look older now that I'm 24? Not looking my best for sure. No makeup, hair pulled back, in desperate need of a bang trim. At least I only have one chin.

Happy my Birthday!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008


Have you ever had the experience things just going all to hell? One minute things are great, life is good, and you're happy. The next minute, SPLAT! You've hit a wall. Probably one covered with mirrors, reflecting back the fact that your oh-so-perfect life is not so perfect.

I really hate SPLAT!s.

I had one recently. It's a big part of why I haven't been blogging. Remember the nasty Co-Worker? Well, when she quit, I found myself taking on a lot of extra responsibility. First it was just trying to divide her tasks so that everything got done. Then we hired a new person, and it was up to me to train her. On top of everything else I was doing. Putting in nine to ten hour days was the norm. I was okay with it, though. I felt useful, like I was really doing my best job; I was happy with life.

Then one day, my dad (aka THE BOSS) called me at the store.

"I hear you're being a terd. Knock it off!"

"What? I'm not being a terd! Who told you that?" At this point, I actually thought he was joking.

"Don't you defend yourself! I just got a call saying that you were being a brat and it's just like having The Redhead around again!"

It was at this point that I realized this wasn't a joke. One of my co-workers had actually called my father to tattle, rather than coming to me with a problem. I knew who it was, but I asked anyway. The response? "Everyone feels that way."

I was devastated. I felt (still feel, acutally) betrayed, unappreciated and confused. I had spent the last few weeks working like a maniac, making sure the place still ran. I was in the midst of what turned out to be a 12-hour-day. Worst, I had no clue as to what had gone wrong. I thought my co-workers were my friends. At least, I thought we were friendly. I had no indication whatsoever that they were the least bit unhappy with me.

What am I, psychic? Because if you don't tell me something is wrong, I can't fix it!

I'm still not sure which is worse - that they were all complaining about me behind my back or that instead of talking to me, they went to my dad. I can't help wondering what the heck I'm doing, living at home and working for my dad anyway.

I never intended to stay here long term, you know.

I've been here for a year, and even that's longer than I meant it to be. I ended up here because I was unhappy in Arizona, and I was getting ready to move back to Colorado. I was going to come home, live with the 'rents for a few weeks until I found myself a job and a house, then start my life over. I ended up living at home and working for my dad because he called me and said, "I need you to go home and work at the store. They're desperate for help." I thought, Really? He needs me? and I packed my car and left that week.

I've been thinking about moving on for a while now, but I never really did anything about it because I was happy where I was. In my prayers, I had said, "Okay, God, I know I'm supposed to move, so you just let me know when." This whole ordeal happened a couple days later. Hello, sign.

While betrayal wasn't my first choice as far as answers to prayers go, I'm starting to see the wisdom of it. Change is scary for me. It's scary for everyone to some extent, but it's hyperventilate, hide in the closet scary for me. Making a big change in my life takes a lot of courage for me, and that's something I seem to be in rather short supply of. However, now I'm just pissed.

Have you ever noticed how anger is a rather consuming emotion? It's kind of like pot. Unbridled and in large doses, it's dangerous; but in the right circumstances (like for cancer patients) it's acutally helpful. For me, the anger and betrayal is giving me the motivation to push beyond the fear.

So now I'm back where I was a year ago - unhappy, looking for a job and a place to live. Only now I have to find a place to live with a dog. I'm filling out applications, faxing resumes, making contacts; all the while thinking, Hmm. This all feels rather familiar.

And the kicker is, I'm terrified. Yeah, the anger is keeping me from just giving up, but it's definitly not getting rid of the fear altogether. New situations can be such a risk for me because of my depression. If they don't go well, it's not just a crappy situation that I have to endure for a while. It's hide-in-my-bed-can't-get-up-for-a-month-want-to-die, and I'm just not sure I can do that again.

I keep telling myself that having faith and courage doesn't mean that you're not scared. It just means that you keep pushing through. Sometimes I buy it; usually not.

But for now, I'm stuck at my old job, feeling like everyone here hates me. I know that probably not true, and I know it's my attitude making things uncomfortable for me, but it's awfully hard to pretend everything is okay around a bunch of backstabbing, immature liars! Ah. See, the anger has reemerged.

I'm still stunned from the impact. I'm seeing stars and rubbing my forehead, thinking "Where the hell did that wall come from?!?"

I so didn't see this coming.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Birthday, America!

Look, I'm back! Did you miss me? We'll go into the reasons for my extended absence later. Today, I want to write about something else.

Happy Independence Day!

In honor of this, one of my favorite holidays, I'm stealing Jessie's 10 loves idea again.

10 Reasons Why I Love America

1. Freedom of religion. As a member of a religion that has been persecuted in the past, I am constantly grateful to live in a country where I, and others, are allowed to worship God as we see fit.

2. Upward (or downward) mobility. For centuries, and in many countries today, people were stuck in the class they were born in. If you were born a serf, you were never going to be a knight (was that a mixed metaphor?). Not in America. You can be born in the ghetto and grow up to be a millionaire.

3. Technology. Can you believe that there are still places with no running water? No flush toilets? Much less infrastructure, cars, cell phones or internet. I think we forget how blessed we are. I know I do.

4. Democracy. Sure, it has it's flaws (like lying politicians and year long campaigns), but it's miles ahead of tyranny, communism, monarchy, or dictatorship. We have options. Isn't that great?

5. Compassion. It's screwed up in a lot of ways, but one thing our country has going for it - we don't let our fellow countrymen suffer unnecessarily. You can see the evidence in Katrina, the flooding in the Midwest, the tornadoes nationwide. If someone is in trouble, we do what we can to help. That makes me proud.

6. Freedom of Speech. This goes along with democracy and freedom of religion, but there are still lots of places in the world were criticizing your leaders is simply not allowed. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to express my opinion, even if it is stupid.

7. Freedom of the Press. I know, I know, it's freedom of speech, but I'm grateful for it for different reasons, okay? We hear lots of complaints about how the press is corrupt, or leans one way or the other, but we're lucky to have a press that is semi-objective. Look at some of the corruption in government that the press has uncovered (Watergate, anyone?). The founding fathers intended the press to be the 4th branch of government; a watch-dog of sorts. What amazing foresight.

8. Variety and Diversity. I love that you can drive across America and see completely different climates, landscapes and cultures. We're all so different, but we can always come together when we need to.

9. The Armed Forces. I know that most countries have some sort of armed forces, but I have great love and respect for ours. I'm grateful that there are men and women who are willing to stand on the front lines to protect my right, and your right, to live in a free land. Maybe they're not all in combat, but they would all be willing to die for their country, and I'm eternally filled with awe and gratitude for that. Whether you respect the cause or not, you've gotta respect the bravery of those men and women.

10. The American Dream. Maybe it's not now what it was in the 1950's, but America is still a place where you can make your life what you want it to be. It's not easy, but it was never supposed to be. It's a blessing and a privilege to live in a nation where you can make yourself into whomever you'd like. It's why people keep coming here. Whether it's a white picket fence with a dog and 2.5 kids or a condo in the city with a Jag parked out front; if your willing to work for it, you can get it here.

So lets hear it! Three cheers for the good ole' US of A! Hip, hip . . . HOORAY! Hip, hip . . . HOORAY! Hip, hip . . . HOORAY!

Oh, one more thing. Did you know that there are actually three verses to The Star-Spangled Banner? Yep, it's true. Here are verses two and three:

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines on the stream;
And the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh, thus be it ever, when free men shall stand
Between their loves home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heaven rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
The conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust!"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!