If It's Timestamped After 10:00, It's A Serious One

I have a confession to make. I'm a hopeless romantic.

I try to pretend I'm not. Sometimes even I believe I'm not. I think it's because I'm not sure I really believe in "romance," at least not the kind that we read about in books and see on TV. I just can't believe that life can be that simple.

But I want to believe it.

Somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I still believe that one day I'll meet a man, and there will be swelling music and fireworks, and we'll just know. Sure, there will be obstacles (otherwise it would make a lousy plotline), but in the end, everything will work out in the most beautiful way possible because we're soul mates.

I don't even believe in soul mates.

Maybe I just plain watch too much TV Tonight I watched the last DVD of Season One of How I Met Your Mother. Ted has been crazy about Robin through the whole season, even though he's tried to get over her. Robin is crazy about Ted, too, but they can never seem to make it work. In the season finale, Ted goes to Robin and tells her he's crazy about her and wants to be with her, but he comes on too strong and Robin freaks out a little bit. She tells Ted that she's going on a company camping trip, where she's going to have dinner with a co-worker, the smarmy anchor of Metro One. Ted leaves, but refuses to give up. He asks an old girlfriend of Barney's to teach him a rain dance so Robin's trip will be canceled. Ted and Barney are on the roof of Ted's building, and Ted is dancing. Barney tells him it's not going to work, and Ted says, "I know it won't work, but I love her! So I know it won't work, but it has too, because we're meant to be together. Do you hear me, Universe? This is Ted Mosby speaking. Give me some rain! Come on! Come on!" And then it started pouring. Ted runs to Robin's apartment, and asks her to come down. She decides to go to him, opens the door, and he's standing there, soaking wet, and they fall into each others arms.

I really want to believe in that kind of romance. I want to so badly. It's not like I have any proof - things like that don't really happen to anyone. I think I just want to believe that kind of love is out there.

Maybe it's not healthy to believe in something that can't exist; or maybe believing in something as ethereal as romance gives us hope in a dreary world.

I don't have much hope in my dreary world lately. Even the thought of romance makes me sad, because I just can't see that happening for me, and I don't really want anything else (call me anti-feminist, but I don't want a career, I just want to get married and have kids). I'm trying to work on the obstacles to this goal, but it's all so overwhelming.

So, what's the verdict? Romantic, or realistic? Reason or hope? Am I kidding myself, or do people really fall in love? Is there still hope?