I'm going to let you all in on my secret.
I have depression.
I'm not talking about the blues. I'm not feeling down. I'm talking about serious, can't-get-out-of-bed, must-be-on-medication depression. When I tell people, they always ask me if I'm on medication, and I always laugh. If I wasn't on medication, I would be in bed ALL THE TIME. I need the medication to function.
The thing is, like any other disease, sometimes this depression thing flares up, for no apparant reason. This is one of those times. I'm weak, sad, anxious and feeling hopeless. I know this will pass eventually, it's just a matter of how long it will take.
It's hard to not be able to go to work, or do my church calling. I know it looks a lot like laziness, but I really want to go to work. I want to go to Primary! I just can't seem to do it. I went to work for four hours yesterday. It was the longest four hours of my life, and when I came home, I was a mess. I've been trying to talk myself into going for three hours now, and I can't do it. I just can't.
So now you know where I've been. Have you seen the "Depression Hurts" commercials? I've been there. I can't watch, those, by the way. They hit a little too close to home.
I know it's pretty much impossible for people who have never experienced major depression to understand how debilitating it can be. It's not really something you can explain, either. Emotional pain this bad is beyond imagination.
I've been dealing with this for almost 10 years now, so I'm very open about the whole things. If you know someone with depression, and you have questions about what they are going through or how you can help them, feel free to ask.
5 comments:
Hugs from Kristen. I love you, don't forget. NZ smiles to you.
You don't know me. I stumbled onto your blog somehow. I love this post. I have suffered from depression for years as well. Nobody knows this except my husband. I have learned to just keep to myself and stay home as much as possible when I am having problems. I appreciated this entry. It brought tears to my eyes. It is so nice to know that another "put together" person feels like this sometimes. Thank you.
Hugs from me as well!
I also have depression and you've nailed it. I feel like I'm imprisoned by this misery.
Been severely depressed for 6 years. Just resently attempted suicide and was hospitalized with the worst physical pain, as well as the constant emotional pain, ever experienced in my life. I can CERTAINLY relate to time moving excruciatingly slowly. Every shift at my job seems like a lifetime, but I am BROKE, so I need to try. And as for the "put together" comment, I am attending university at one of the top 10 ranked schools in North America, hoping to study human resources and psychology. I am a first degree black belt, having trained with the best fighters in the world for 7 years of my life. I am sane, suicide was a choice. The first thing I've done for myself my whole life. All I can tell you is that there is somewhere better after here, and all of us are guarenteed a spot there. This suffering may go unnoticed or unappreciated to those around you, but God sees everything...
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