Some things are everpresent

I've been noticing increasingly lately that life never seems to hold still. There are those few glorious moments that you want to hold onto forever, to live the rest of your days in. But it never quite works like that, does it? Too soon those moments pass, and we're thrust into the moments that we must endure to get to the treasured ones.

Was it FDR that said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself"? It makes me wonder if he was ever afraid of anything. Lately it seems that I'm afraid of everything. I hate the near overwhelming fear - it makes me feel weak. Those who love me tell me I'm brave and strong, but it's hard to believe at times like this. I hate not knowing where my life is headed.

On to more interesting topics. Am I the only one who's love life seems to be a constant display of irony? For a while, I enjoyed a lack of love life, which really just translates to a lack of interest. Now it seems that I'm bombarded with unwanted events. In order to really explain, I guess I'll have to introduce you to the two of them: The American One, who I want so much it confuses me, but who shows annoyingly little interest in wanting me back; and The German One, who started out as a pen pal and now has evolved into more of a . . . situation.

The German One and I "met" through a mutal friend who spent some time in Germany. When The German One wanted to email me, I thought, "What the heck? He's in Germany." Oh, how little I knew. He's still in Germany, but is now convinced that I'm the greatest girl in the world. He's such a nice guy, I hate to tell him otherwise. He sent me a Christmas package. Strategically placed on top was a red plush heart with "I love you" written on it. And he doesn't even know me!

On the other hand, The American One knows me better than most and still shows no interest. I try not to take it personally, but I'll admit it's frustrating. The German One hasn't even met me and realizes how amazing I am. The American One has me right in front of him and fails to see me. Oh, the ironies of love!