My mom thinks this whole blog thing is ridiculous. She says it's like having a diary that the whole world can read. I tried to explain to her that you didn't write personal stuff in it, but she doesn't get it. I guess I don't really get it either. Good thing nobody reads my blog, because this might be one depressing entry. I think the thing that I like about blogging is that it is kind of like writing in a diary that anyone can read. The typing is calming, and I like the idea of sending my thoughts out into the universe, hoping that there might be answers somewhere.

Today was a sad day. I don't know why. I went the the Sundance Film Festival in Park City last night and had a ball. I went with The Writer and her two friends. It was fun, and I had a great time. But then I woke up this morning, and I didn't want to get out of bed. When I did get out of bed, I didn't want to shower, then I didn't want to do homework, and eventually I went back to bed for a couple hours (actually, that was an accident, I attempted to read a textbook). It's so strange - not a depressed feeling, like I'll never be happy again, it's just more of a not happy feeling. Like something is missing in my life. Maybe something is.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm lonely, although sometimes I'm not sure for what. Sure, it's not like I have a possy, but I've got a lot of friends, and a lot of people who love me. I have The Writer, The Best Friend, The VT, The Alaskan, The American One. Not to mention my Family, Mom, Dad, The Sisters and Brothers. I'm not even unhappy with the state of my life. I just feel like something's missing. Maybe it's because things haven't been so great between me and The American One lately. I think he's been avoiding me, and that hurts, even though I've decided I don't want to date him. We had a little tiff last week because I stated disappointment with The Old Friends, who are still his friends. It's part of why I've decided that I don't really want to be with him. It's not that he doesn't think the way I do about The Old Friends, it's that when I said how I feel, he talked to me like I was an uber-sensitive, irrational female, and it pissed me off. I think the worst part though, is that I think that's really how he feels about me. I can't be with someone who sees me like that. Partly the whole avoidance thing hurts because I told him not to do this, I told him that if there was something wrong to just come talk to me. I guess it's not meant to be though. The American One, is a guy, after all.

Sometime I'll tell the story about the people in my life, The Current Friends, and The Old Friends. It's an interesting story.