My mom thinks this whole blog thing is ridiculous. She says it's like having a diary that the whole world can read. I tried to explain to her that you didn't write personal stuff in it, but she doesn't get it. I guess I don't really get it either. Good thing nobody reads my blog, because this might be one depressing entry. I think the thing that I like about blogging is that it is kind of like writing in a diary that anyone can read. The typing is calming, and I like the idea of sending my thoughts out into the universe, hoping that there might be answers somewhere.

Today was a sad day. I don't know why. I went the the Sundance Film Festival in Park City last night and had a ball. I went with The Writer and her two friends. It was fun, and I had a great time. But then I woke up this morning, and I didn't want to get out of bed. When I did get out of bed, I didn't want to shower, then I didn't want to do homework, and eventually I went back to bed for a couple hours (actually, that was an accident, I attempted to read a textbook). It's so strange - not a depressed feeling, like I'll never be happy again, it's just more of a not happy feeling. Like something is missing in my life. Maybe something is.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm lonely, although sometimes I'm not sure for what. Sure, it's not like I have a possy, but I've got a lot of friends, and a lot of people who love me. I have The Writer, The Best Friend, The VT, The Alaskan, The American One. Not to mention my Family, Mom, Dad, The Sisters and Brothers. I'm not even unhappy with the state of my life. I just feel like something's missing. Maybe it's because things haven't been so great between me and The American One lately. I think he's been avoiding me, and that hurts, even though I've decided I don't want to date him. We had a little tiff last week because I stated disappointment with The Old Friends, who are still his friends. It's part of why I've decided that I don't really want to be with him. It's not that he doesn't think the way I do about The Old Friends, it's that when I said how I feel, he talked to me like I was an uber-sensitive, irrational female, and it pissed me off. I think the worst part though, is that I think that's really how he feels about me. I can't be with someone who sees me like that. Partly the whole avoidance thing hurts because I told him not to do this, I told him that if there was something wrong to just come talk to me. I guess it's not meant to be though. The American One, is a guy, after all.

Sometime I'll tell the story about the people in my life, The Current Friends, and The Old Friends. It's an interesting story.

Some things are everpresent

I've been noticing increasingly lately that life never seems to hold still. There are those few glorious moments that you want to hold onto forever, to live the rest of your days in. But it never quite works like that, does it? Too soon those moments pass, and we're thrust into the moments that we must endure to get to the treasured ones.

Was it FDR that said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself"? It makes me wonder if he was ever afraid of anything. Lately it seems that I'm afraid of everything. I hate the near overwhelming fear - it makes me feel weak. Those who love me tell me I'm brave and strong, but it's hard to believe at times like this. I hate not knowing where my life is headed.

On to more interesting topics. Am I the only one who's love life seems to be a constant display of irony? For a while, I enjoyed a lack of love life, which really just translates to a lack of interest. Now it seems that I'm bombarded with unwanted events. In order to really explain, I guess I'll have to introduce you to the two of them: The American One, who I want so much it confuses me, but who shows annoyingly little interest in wanting me back; and The German One, who started out as a pen pal and now has evolved into more of a . . . situation.

The German One and I "met" through a mutal friend who spent some time in Germany. When The German One wanted to email me, I thought, "What the heck? He's in Germany." Oh, how little I knew. He's still in Germany, but is now convinced that I'm the greatest girl in the world. He's such a nice guy, I hate to tell him otherwise. He sent me a Christmas package. Strategically placed on top was a red plush heart with "I love you" written on it. And he doesn't even know me!

On the other hand, The American One knows me better than most and still shows no interest. I try not to take it personally, but I'll admit it's frustrating. The German One hasn't even met me and realizes how amazing I am. The American One has me right in front of him and fails to see me. Oh, the ironies of love!

Stupid People Who Think They Are Smart.

I heard a great thing on Fox News this morning. Yes, I know it's a Saturday morning and there is nothing more dorky than watching Fox News on a Saturday morning. In my defense, conservative talk and television shows, including but not limited to Rush Limbaugh and The O'Reilly Factor, seems to be omnipresent in my parent's house. But I digress.

Back to what I heard this morning. I was making waffles and listening to the news with one ear, because I find it somewhat interesting. They were debating the placement of Sam Alito as a supreme court justice. Actually, the topic was, "How will Sam Alito effect the stock market?" This seemed a little ridiculous in and of itself, but then one of the guests said something that blew my mind.

"Anyone who is so pro-life clearly has no respect for basic property rights."

My response to that? WHAT THE HELL?!?!? You've got to be kidding me. Now, I'm generally a pretty tolerant person. I strongly believe that all people have the right to believe how they choose and have their own opinion. But this is crossing the line. Where does this guy get off correlating being anti-abortion to having no respect for property rights?

I understand how he could make such a statement sound logical. Theoretically, a woman's body is her property, and she should have the right to do what she wishes with it. This is simply a case of how something that is completely wrong can be twisted to sound okay. Okay, maybe a woman's body is her property. So let her get tattoos and piercings and sexually transmitted diseases. I don't care. But when it comes to another human life, I DO care. You wouldn't hear this sort of argument to support drunk driving. I mean, hey, the drunk person's body is his or her property, as is they vehicle. Why shouldn't they drive? Maybe being firmly against drunk driving makes me loose all respect for property rights.

Of course this position is ridiculous, and the shmuck who was on Money Matters on Fox News this morning would be sure to agree. "It's different," he would say. "Drunk driving is illegal because it protects other people; the people on the road who can't protect themselves." And I would say, "Aha! That is exactly my point." One of the first political ideals that I was ever taught in school was that sometimes we have to give up some of our rights in order to protect ourselves and others.

Being pro-life isn't about refusing to recognize a woman's "basic property rights," just like banning drunk driving isn't. It's about protecting people who can't protect themselves. In the case of drunk driving, it's protecting the mother who is running the pharmacy for more cough syrup and doesn't know a drunk driver is speeding her way. In the case of abortion, it's about protecting the life of a child who deserves the chance to live, regardless of the mistakes of it's parents. It's not about basic property rights, it's about life.

If you want to talk about respect for basic property rights, Mr. Money Matters Man, let's talk about imminent domain and see how you feel about that. But that's a different topic.